i just want to be touched really hard
like by a car
hit me with a carAnd pay my college tuition
i just almost missed my train because i was taking a personality quiz to find out what fruit I am
If street harassment is supposed to be a compliment then theft should also be taken as a compliment cause I mean you have nice things and people want what you have
MAN IF THIS AINT THE REALEST MOST RELEVANT STATEMENT
I spent two years dead. Every moment seems irreplaceable now.
bro i love sports and women. i got to like 8th base with this hot babe “8th base whats that” she took me to the house she grew up in and showed me pictures of her dead relatives. We sat in the living room and she told me the stories of her life that lead to that moment. Like quicksand they, and that moment were gone and we left back into the cold world which we’d been spat into. It was raining
manager: sir your resume just says “good looking and talented”
me: am I lying though?
manager: …youre right, Im sorry youre hired
*takes gulp of vodka straight from the bottle* my day was fine